Fighting Fair in Marriage
How to Fight Fair:
I mentioned Sunday in my message on relationship red flags that fighting is necessary in a relationship, but we have to fight fair. Defining what fair fighting looks like is a bit more than can be squeezed into few minutes on Sunday morning.
God’s Word shows us that how we communicate and disagree matters. Our words have weight.
Here are a few principles for fair fighting
Fighting Fair requires a forgiveness and willing forgetfulness
The easiest way to win an argument is to get historical. Bring up countless past offenses that your spouse may have already sought forgiveness for. This is effective if your goal is to defeat your spouse. It’s not effective if you want to solve a disagreement. The past informs our present, sure. However, if we hold on to past offensives, we can’t move forward. If you routinely bring up something from the distant past, you’re likely not fighting fair.
Fighting Fair requires more listening than talking.
I mentioned James 1:19-20 on Sunday in the message. Do your best to consciously note how much talking vs listening you contribute to your next disagreement. Often, we assume we know what our spouse will say, which is rude and frustrating when someone does the same to us.
Fighting Fair requires a willingness to engage
Some are more willing to listen than to speak. Maybe you avoid conflict. It’s important for your spouse to hear from you, even if you’d prefer to stay quiet. Communication is a two way street. Nothing frustrates a marriage more than silence.
Fighting Fair requires a willingness to compromise
This is the part nobody enjoys. In a fractured culture that takes no prisoners compromise can feel like losing. However, in marriage compromise is almost a daily sacrifice we offer daily to one another. I’m not talking about compromising your values. Simple concessions relating to your preferred activities, time allocation and day to day living are part of offering ourselves to one another. If one spouse is always doing the compromising that’s manipulation. Mutual compromise will be present in every healthy relationship.
Tell me some ways you have found to fight fair in the comments.
-Pastor Marc